Doesn’t Belong Here

Not sure this statement really belongs here. I will justify it by saying that I think Twitter has outlived it’s usefulness, almost no one is on Google+, Facebook is filled with people making asinine comments, and otherwise there is just space. Writing is my cathartic space, so here it goes.

It’s only been 48 hrs and I miss my husband painfully.

He is alive and well in Columbus, Ohio driving back to be home tomorrow night. I went to Jacksonville to see relatives while they were closer than usual. It still amounts to the fact that I hate being the only one awake with the hum of the AC to add counterpoint to my sleepless thoughts.

The bitter irony is that the job I am interviewing for and really, truly want includes 100% travel with a six week stint in India. Did I mention it was only 48 hrs ago?

I want to do this. I am excited about the opportunity, the training, the money – but I am scared about staring into the dark 5 nights a week. How does one rectify two such disparate emotions inside one mind?

…..

Instead you close your eyes. The AC cuts off, and the only sound is the ringing your ears make up as they search for something to hear. A deep breath in, held, out…wait, again. You think of calming memories, “happy places,” anything to be able to trust yourself to the void. That peaceful place between waking and sleeping when you reach out in habit and there is no breathing anchor beside you. The emptiness shakes you from your half dream state and you shift to begin the whole process over again. Only hoping this time you don’t reach for what isn’t there.

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It Worked

My persistence paid off. After 5 days ( including my initial introduction day) of shadowing, I have been offered a position. It’s not full time employee, I am a 90-day contractor, but I am in the door and working!!

Which means, since turning in my official resignation to the school on May 17th, I was hired with pay by June 25. As Dave Ramsey talked about earlier this month, there are people who are going through some really hard times, but besides that I think I want to tell the unemployed to suck it. It’s not always perfect, but you work tirelessly beating down doors until someone decides that your skills are worth it. I did.

I have changed my fate and my career. I am now working under a man who doesn’t just think I’m worth it, but went to bat for me to get a position opened up for me. And instead of fear, I have this overwhelming sense of excitement to do well and live up to these expectations. As a teacher, I always believed that a student did better when better was expected from them. Here is my better. And I plan on fighting til the end to keep it.

In 90 days, I may be back exactly where I was on May 25th, but I will know so much more by then. And hopefully, I will have shown the company how much they need me to stay. Either way, I have walked through this fire and made it. I can do it again.

On an original reason for the blog note, editing of the introduction has been coming along in my spare time. Having some help by a beta. So sometime before November I hope to have a legitimate first draft that is worth showing a few more people.

And I’ve started the outline for book 2. New character and everything. But I hope to edit deep into book 1 to really nail down my characters’ voices before continuing on. I want to know them more before I develop the deeper plot in book 2. I read a book once where author truly had ongoing dialogues and arguments with their characters. I need to find that.

So work and a rough, rough, first draft. A good start to the summer if I say so myself. ^_^

Last Week

Tomorrow marks the beginning of an end. As poetically cliche as it is, this chapter of my life has found its ending. The last week of school.

And instead of dwelling on that, I found myself unable to sleep tonight (slept in way too late this morning) thinking about all the beginnings I still have occurring.

  • I have an amazing husband working his butt off so I can find my own path.
  • I have written in less than a year, 74,224 words to date.
  • I have started an Etsy store that has sold 2 pieces in 3 months (only one was a friend).
  • I have met and networked with amazing people who were willing to take time out of their schedule to meet with a teacher trying to change careers.
  • I have a friend who has been standing right next to me through it all.
  • I have a mother, father, and sister who are proud of my accomplishments and rooting for me.
  • I have a mathematics degree that I might get to use a little bit more.
  • I am working myself out of debt.

Just a tip of the iceberg. But this isn’t a list of things to be thankful for. It’s a list of things I’ve begun, have and will succeed in. It’s just strange how sometimes modesty overrides our ability to actually stand up and say, “This is what I am good at, and beyond that, this is why I am absolutely awesome.” I mean, who actually likes answering that question in a job interview, “Why would you be good at this position?” or the even better one, “Why should we hire you?” It puts you on the spot to defend yourself wholly about why you would rock their socks off if they hired you. Sometimes it easy to answer, other times we get to do a little acrobatic reasoning. But the result in the same, if we want it bad enough, they be able to tell in our voice and our mannerisms.

I joked to my friend the day he helped me network, “They don’t have any idea who they are hiring. They aren’t just hiring some girl who needs a job. They are getting a woman who is literally giving up everything she knows to jump headlong into a new project. They have my undivided attention, and I am a very fast learner.” It was spoken in jest, but rings true in hindsight. I am a very fast learner and I can do what I set my mind to. Hell, first time out of the gate, I wrote 50,000 words in 30 days (even starting 4 days late).

So, in imaginary toast as I finally crawl into bed, I salute new beginnings. May they be ever so exhilarating and ever so enlightening as always.

I’ve never taken the easy road yet, why start now?